KFF

Well, today is a special day because today is the end of KFF (just in case you don’t know, it’s a brand of us) after almost 4 years. It has been a very long journey and I thought we will make it to the end but sometimes we can’t really get what we wanted. The end is not the end I wanted, it is a sudden end in which I am not prepared off. It is indeed heartbreaking and I am shattered by it but somehow every cloud has a silver lining. Perhaps it is a good thing for her as finally she can move on and once and for all, release all the pressure exerted on her all these while. In fact, I think she will be happier without me as I have been giving her so much misery and trouble ever since we were together. I am not a good person or partner so I am very sure that she will find someone better than me and be happier than before.

While for me, life will not be the same anymore. Going to sleep at night or waking up in the morning will never be the same again. I don’t have to look at my mobile anymore nor message anyone as before because things have changed. It will certainly be a boring and dull life for me especially during holiday now. I am all alone in my room most of the time, even if I go out, I don’t have friends as most of them are going back to their own respective country for good or temporary for summer holiday. I am lonely and blue. I am more like a robot now, doing the same thing everyday. Well, I am devastated, I miss her and I still love her but there is nothing much I can do now. I hate improper goodbye but we promised to end it in a proper way later by meeting up for the last time, doing things together for the last time, enjoying the last moment as much as we can, this is how we started and this is how we are going to end it. At least we will cherish these moments for the rest of our lives. Sorry, I am not good in words especially in describing my feeling now, all I can say is I am real sad. It’s like you lost something very close to you, very valuable and precious to you after 4 years. You miss it so much but there is nothing much you can do to get it back, it is lost forever (figuratively of course). It is a deep cut, like a 5-inch knife stabbed into my heart and it just keeps bleeding, even if you stitch it up, it will take so much time to heal. Time is a good medicine because it is the only medicine that can cure this kind of injury. But it also means that it is going  to take so much time, years after years. Last time, it took me almost 3 years though the relationship was only about a few months but now, it is a 4-year relationship so how long would it take? I will let you do the calculation.

Looking back these 4 years making me realize that actually we don’t spend much time together due to the nature of our relationship but somehow I don’t know why we have so many moments, good or bad, sweet or sour, joy or tears, happy or sad, exciting or dull. I think maybe because we don’t meet up a lot but once we do, we really make use of our time to the fullest we can. This is something that I never regret of. Once said, “life is not measured by how long you live but it is measured by how exciting your life is.” In this case, 4 years might be short or long but it doesn’t really matter because we have been through so much together and make use of every moment when we have the chance. Looking back the photos certainly bring back a lot of memory to me, I laughed, smiled and cried. I miss you and you have always been a good life partner of me, I appreciate you now more than ever. Thank you for everything from the bottom of my heart, you are the source of my inspiration, my happiness and my life. Thank you once again. I will never forget you and in future (probably when I am in my 30s) if I have a partner again, I will tell her how great our love is, I don’t care what she will think but I just want her to know that I had a very wonderful partner before and it is a fact that cannot be altered, it is carving in every inch of my heart.

Last but not least, life is never fair and will not be fair. Sometimes no matter how great our love is but in the end, there are things that are more important that love such as family, religion, race, family background and etc. Love can break all the barriers as love is blind but then not in all the situations. True love is hard to find but once you found it, there are so many obstacles which can test the strength of the true love. Well, if it isn’t strong enough, it will fail and bring catastrophic outcomes. For those who have found their true love and live happily ever after, I wish you all the best, may God bless you all and hopefully it will last forever until your last breath. Sometimes I do envy those who have found their true love and being so happy together but in the end I know that I am not a good person myself, that’s why I don’t deserve any of this. I do believe in Karma and I know I am such a bad person and I truly deserve it. I accept it wholeheartedly without any complaint. So from now on, I will try to move on my life and will try to be strong. It is going to be hard but I have to give my best.

With that, I dedicate these 2 songs to you. The first song is about how much I miss you and the second song is about how much I love you. They are my most favorite songs of all time.

p/s If you are reading this and would like to offer any encouragement, advice or opinion, please comment below this post. Thank you.